My Daily Choices
I woke up today, feeling kinda lazy. For me, on a chilly morn when I have a headache as I did today, the normal medicine I would choose is some indulgent fast food with a good dose of sugar mixed with caffeine and some sort of bread and cheese combo. Don’t know why this helps my headache, but sometimes I just can’t choose something healthy if I know that my headache won’t break without junk food.
Today, I could choose. I went back and forth between choosing a piece of fruit and some mildly caffeinated green tea, or jumping in my car to a fast-food place as an instant remedy and a nice way to spend a snowy winter’s morning watching TV and self-soothing this way.
In the world of addictions, there is a phrase that is often used to help people to decide whether they are going to pursue their addictive substance in that moment, or they are going to go on to another moment of sobriety in its place; “Walk it through to the end.” Which is what I had to do this morning when I had to choose to either follow-up on a piece I wrote yesterday for this blog (which I didn’t really want to post but felt like it had a lot of truth that inspired me to meditate and be peace for its own sake) or to go and stuff myself with substances (junk food and caffeine), which generally prevent me from coming as close to Source as would bring the most benefit to you and others when I meditate. I walked it through to the potential outcomes for each option, and this is the choice I made…
I cut up my fruit and settled on the tea, which I do not normally choose as a beverage to make me happy, and then I sat to meditate. At some point, like with my choice of what to eat and how it will affect my meditation, we really have to choose what we are doing this act of service for. Do I want to choose to meditate so that I can find personal relief in some way, or can I choose to meditate to participate in peace for its own sake, and hope that it goes out to you or to the entire lower dream that does not know what this world is for until it can awaken to its own truth? There isn’t a force that happens when I meditate. I simply put my mind to the truth of myself as Source (which happens in the center of everyone) and I let it be. Just like I have to choose, and not force myself, to meditate instead of participating in something more self-indulgent, I then have to choose, once I begin to meditate, where I am going to put my attention.
With brute force my lower intelligence will often burst through my meditation and begin to tell me why I should meditate for my own benefit. Perhaps my Lower Self wants to go through all of the terrible things that have happened to me or to you because it would like to negotiate a way to get through this terrible day and the emotions which equal its brute force on my imagination of what is important to me today. I begin to separate where that brute force originates, from where I originally intended to meditate. I recognize that these thoughts are coming from my head and not from the center of my chest, which is vigilant in just remaining in its Oneness or “thoughts” of peace. I can see that the more that I desire to meditate, the more my Lower Self perceives the opportunity to fill in the silence with everything that either I or someone else did, which was not in alignment with peace. If I listened to that voice for too long, I wouldn’t find the peace that was yours. Instead, my lower mind would go on to justify why I need to meditate so that I can find a remedy to every awful experience I have had, not only in this lifetime, but in all that preceded, or followed, it.
For example, in my meditation this morning, it took but a moment after I recognized this jarring thought system of something lower, that it was trying to put the blame on someone else for my not wanting to publish what I wrote yesterday. As often happens when I meditate, I started receiving images of what was causing this blockage in my lower world. Sure enough, I had a vision of a noose around my neck, and I immediately knew who had put it there is a past life (which is actually happening simultaneous to now, but that is another truth for another day). I could feel the energetic implications of this noose around my neck in this lifetime of how I restrict myself from sharing my truth, lest the consequences be death or something more painful as life goes on and my truth remains out there in a way that I can’t negotiate either. This person I identified as being my past executioner, is someone I consider to be a very high-minded person when they want to be. At other times, they have to really choose to want to be the Oneness, although I have truly never felt it so strong in anyone else thus far. Recently, they sent me a couple of links suggesting other people’s works to read in order to “"help" me. I felt indignant that after all the truth of my own words from my Higher Self that I have shared with them, that they would still not honour me and my truth as whole and everything that I need in order to be at peace and pursue my life’s work. I responded with a polite thank you, and that it was interesting that this other person’s work did sound similar to mine, but that from the moment I began this work of recording the truth from my Higher Self, I have not read anyone else’s work because I did not want to conflate their truth with mine and then not be sure what I learned directly from Source or from them. The real truth is that I know that I have been given everything that there is to know in this world that is anything pertinent to the truth that I want to maintain, and that it simply is just an adjustment of an acceptance that I need to make toward maintaining this truth in my normal world, which I am not always willing to make.
Although I do believe the intention behind this person’s suggestion for me to read other people’s work was to “help” me, my Lower Self is very sensitive to when people suggest that I do so, because my Lower Self believes that it means that they haven’t heard a word that I have said before, and that they are judging my lower mental self/personality as needing the words of someone else, instead of simply taking the steps I learned through years and years of dedicated hard work, practice, and recording this method for you – for anyone interested in learning how to be the Oneness in the most simplest way possible (so simple, that it is usually ignored in favour of some endeavor that is infinitely more impossible to achieve what you are looking for – the Oneness).
Anyhow, what this is to say is that while I recognize that it is my Lower Self who was indignant that someone with whom I’ve confided the most in about my difficult journey to accept what I’ve been given from Source, suggested that I read someone else’s method too (meaning that my method wasn’t any good), it is my Higher Self that knows that I’m okay. In fact, I’m perfect in the most important way possible; I accept my truth that I have been given by Source. And, while on most given days I find it impossible to accept that my training is as simple as they – “my peeps” – say, the moments when I just settle into everything that I have been taught and I accept that it is just as simple as wanting to be the truth for everyone else in order to know what it is that I am supposed to say to inspire you to be your truth for everyone else, do illuminate for me that I am perfect in every way that is possible to be. I am free, in other words.
Years ago, I was on a flight back from Europe. It was a last-minute trip, and I was exhausted after days of unplanned chaos and feeling overwhelmed. An offer popped up on the screen at the airport to upgrade my return flight’s seat to business class. I took it! I just wanted to spread out and rest, and try to heal my cold that was beginning to settle into my chest. Apparently, the booze was free, because the two other young gentlemen who had sat beside me and already smelled of alcohol, started drinking and stacking their glasses to visually delight in their accomplishment of draining the bar.
The guy beside me noticed what I was reading and started a conversation with me. Somehow, it turned to a conversation of enlightened thought, and he started suggesting other books that I should read. I politely said that I was okay, thanks, and explained to him the very same thing I recently said to my friend, that I was complete in the knowledge that I seek and I am just going to continue to work from it. This didn’t sit well with him. The more he drank, the more he insisted that I read other material. He kept doing so, even after I told him I didn’t want to speak about this anymore. He then wrote the names of books on a bar napkin and kept shoving it toward me. I refused to take it from him. Nearing the end of our nine-hour flight, he turned to his friend and said, “I hope that we crash, because SHE DESERVES TO DIE!”
We landed, his friend told him to shut up or that the customs officers would not let them into the country, and I just avoided them and held off on my outburst of tears until I was safely in my ride home from the airport. There have been many occasions in this life, never mind the past ones, where I have felt like I can’t share my truth or that I received most of it from Jesus and the Christ Consciousness or the Oneness, and just how amazing and complete it is just in the simplicity of it. And so, each morning, just like this one that started with a simple decision of whether to eat fruit or junk myself up with something that meant that I would ignore what I wrote yesterday, I have to make a choice to avoid or accept my truth and how it wants to be published for you.
But the truth is the truth, and the truth of truth is that whether or not it is me who shares this, someone else will receive their version of this truth, and will eventually share that with everyone until we all believe in our Oneness.
I just want to impart this tidbit of my excuse that I come up with to not publish this or other pieces, because I want you to choose better than I did and not put off publishing anything that comes from your heart or your highest consciousness available to you. Just simply always reach for the Highest, and then allow whatever comes into your heart to be your truth; and then, let your Higher Self decide what to do with it.
As I was trying to remove the noose I perceived around my neck in this morning’s meditation, I heard that I needed to forgive the person who put it there, lifetimes ago. “Peeps” said that “Today’s executioner is tomorrow’s saviour.” And, while that might sound morbid and not easy to compartmentalize and forgive that in another lifetime they caused my death, the truth is that we are all, all over the page as to whether we want to be peace or to cause it by ways that we might find inconceivable. Whoever caused my death in a past life, and of those there are many, simply didn’t put their focus on peace for others first. But the only way that I can cause peace for them is through understanding that they tried to find peace in their own way first. In many ways, though it’s hard to suggest, it is the same thing. That same person who simply made a suggestion in this life that I try to find another way to find peace other than the way I am seemingly failing at on most days, really is just trying to find peace again. They have also been my saviour on more than one occasion in this same lifetime, where we can now conversate about peace on most occasions.
So, I welcome you to your daily decision of how to let peace in. The dramatic way that my Lower Self tried to force peace in my morning meditation today by demonstrating in my imagination all of the terrible ways that I have suffered because I am born to put peace first, was nothing more than it demonstrating its confusion about what peace is. Peace is putting thought over form. It is recognizing that everything goes toward peace in its own way; and, if I just put my attention on the one spot where peace is and will always remain (in the center of my chest,) it will then fill in the rest of my form or my lower thought with what peace is, and then my Lower Self won’t feel so put on the spot that it needs to recognize the disasters of my past in order to keep me safe.
Ultimately, what my friend did by suggesting that I read someone else’s thought of the same vein, is to reinforce that I am already endeared toward my own thought of what peace is, and that no one else will ever be able to convince me that I didn’t learn it straight from Source and its consciousness that was able to explain it to me and to give me this gift of helping others to find their thought that came straight from Source like this.
Each day, I have to make the commitment of how I am going to walk in this lower source. Am I going to commit to being one with Source and, therefore, am incapable of judging people who try to block my sense of Oneness with Source? Or am I going to be mindful of what they did to create this block to where I want to share where I am mindful of Source, and then put more thought into what they did rather than just negotiate my way back to putting my thought toward Source and how I am one with my Higher Self no matter what?
Remember, I am still one with Source, whether I died in a past life because I crashed in a plane or I had a noose put around my neck so that I wouldn’t talk. Nothing can take away where you are one with Source. Nothing. In this physically manifested world, I can walk and talk and make assessments of the consequences I feel are possible when I commit to sharing my sense of Oneness with Source, but ultimately there is no physical frame to present those words, anyway. My walk and talk merely represents a physical frame of reference for Source in our lower way. May you walk and talk in your own way while you represent Source and its very simple way to resonate in self-recognition of it.
Enjoy your own way to let it talk, if this is your walk you have been called for.
Let me know if you need coaching to find your own way, and we can set an appointment up. But more important, is just to be mindful that this is what you are for and that you can find your own way. It is just that simple to know what this is all for. Want, pray, and meditate, to find your own walk of Source.
And so it is,
Amen
Here is the link to what I wrote yesterday (which is unedited, of course):
I love this one 💜
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